Are You Afraid of Relationships?

Written by
Michael Wells

Are You Afraid of Relationships?

Written by
Michael Wells

Are You Afraid of Relationships?

Written by
Michael Wells
QUESTION

"What's the best advice you can give to someone who's scared of being in a relationship due to their bad experiences with them in the past?"

Reading time: 
...
 mins
( Reading time details... )
contents

‍**Change your Expectations.**

Most of us have the misunderstanding that relationships are about making our lives more fun.

We imagine that relationships should give us security, stability, a feeling of being loved. Someone to chat with when we’re bored, someone to help with the housework.

And, of course, sex, whenever we want it.

And sure, sometimes, we get those things from our relationships. But virtually no one can say that “this is what a relationship is always like.”

The truth is that relationships are hard work.

They’re a big investment of time, energy, and money that sometimes pays great dividends, and sometimes doesn’t.

So, Why Be In a Relationship?

OK... but, if relationships aren't all about good times then, what's the point?

Relationship are great, because they help us to grow.

Think back to those "bad" relationship experiences you’ve had. Were those relationships 100% bad?

Almost certainly not, or you wouldn’t ever have started them.

Let's investigate that, in your own life.

Choose 2 or 3 relationships which you felt unhappy about. Often we see these relationships as failures, and feel sadness, anger or resentment whenever we think of them. Often we never want to see that person again.

We're going to see how true that is, and take a more honest look at those memories and emotions.

Sit down with a piece of paper - one for each relationship - reflect deeply, and write the answers to these questions…

  • What did I really enjoy about this relationship?
  • What were my 3 favorite memories, and what did I like about them?
  • What were my 3 worst memories, and what did I learn from them?
  • How have I improved as a person as a result of this person & relationship? What good new things have I added to my life, or what bad things have I removed from my life?
  • What do I now know about myself that I did not know before?
  • What do I now know about relationships that I did not know before?
  • How has this relationship changed what I am looking for in a long-term relationship?

If you are reasonably honest with yourself, you’ll realize that none of those relationships were “bad”.

They were growing and learning experiences for you.

They helped you discover what you want in life, and what you don't want.

They helped you learn about your own personal core values.

They helped you learn about people, their strengths, and their weaknesses.

They helped you appreciate the good things, and the great memories, that sometimes come your way.

Most importantly…

Your relationships helped you discover yourself.

And your future ones will challenge and grow you too.

Embrace that, and find joy in it.

. Last updated on 
May 12, 2020

Table of Contents

    BROJO: Confidence. Clarity. Connection.

    Join BROJO - the premier international self-development community - FREE!

    • Connect with like-minded people who will support you with your goals and issues
    • Overcome people-pleasing and Nice Guy Syndrome to build strong social confidence
    • Get access to exclusive online courses to learn advanced social skills, how to master your psychology, proven career progression techniques and more
    Sweet! You are now a BROJO member.
    Check your email for details, course access, and more.
    Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form. Please try again, or email me at mike@brojo.org. Thanks!

    Join for free!

    • Connect with like-minded people who will support you with your goals and issues
    • Overcome people-pleasing and Nice Guy Syndrome to build strong social confidence
    • Exclusive online courses to learn advanced social skills, how to master your psychology, relationships, career progression and more
    Sweet! You are now a BROJO member.
    Check your email for details, course access, and more.
    Oops! Something went wrong while submitting the form. Please try again, or email me at mike@brojo.org. Thanks!

    What’s a Rich Text element?

    The rich text element allows you to create and format headings, paragraphs, blockquotes, images, and video all in one place instead of having to add and format them individually. Just double-click and easily create content.

    Static and dynamic content editing

    A rich text element can be used with static or dynamic content. For static content, just drop it into any page and begin editing. For dynamic content, add a rich text field to any collection and then connect a rich text element to that field in the settings panel. Voila!

    How to customize formatting for each rich text

    Headings, paragraphs, blockquotes, figures, images, and figure captions can all be styled after a class is added to the rich text element using the "When inside of" nested selector system.